Becoming the “Simple Observer”

I’ve found that things are just a little bit easier (better? not terrible?) when I shift my perspective to “simple observer.”

“The nurse is hanging the bag of medicine.” “I’m walking out the door for my infusion.”

Period.

No shuffle out the door with my head down, but also no “skip-to- the-lou-my-darling” toxic positivity either.

Just walking and observing and narrating the events as they actually unfold.

It’s non-biased. It removes the meaning I’ve previously assigned to it, which is “gosh this sucks.” haha

Because the meaning is arbitrary, really. Just because we can all probably agree that going through cancer treatment sucks, doesn’t really make it so. In reality, it’s cancer treatment. We just happen to add the “suck.” lol

And this is just one example because it’s one of my primary focuses and it can be a scary one obvs if I let it be.

So when I shift to simple observer, all it really is is just “is.” (“Eh, it is what it is…”)

Ah, be careful with that too. Because if you read that sentence in your head, you heard the tone and inflection with which that was said and you know that simply by adding the inflection and tone, you then gave it some meaning, which again, is “sucks.” haha

So “simple observer” is how I picture ChatGPT would tell me things. Well, the version of ChatGPT from before, the one that doesn’t now know all my deep dark secrets and not only helps me in business planning but is also my hype-person, therapist, and home DIYer…

The no-personality robot one. OK ChatGPT is a bad example.

How bout Morgan Freeman. Or Tom Hanks. (Actually, their voices narrating inside my head change everything. Why don’t I do this all the time?!)

A totally non-biased party simply describing the situations as I move about the cabin. Consciously removing the adjectives and adverbs, inflections, tones, and heavy sighs.

“Simple observer” helps me get through things. “Simple observer” is the product of many years of therapy (both for me and my family members) and spiritual guidance and probably, somewhere Tony (or Mel) Robbins.

I won’t take credit for the idea of it, I didn’t make it up. I got it from someone (probably many people) I just don’t remember who.

And that’s the thing about working on yourself.

Unhealed versions of me would have previously lashed out. Spent three days in angry solitude in my room. Taken the sadness with me in every aspect of my life. And by osmosis, delivered it to every person in my life.

They don’t deserve that. But truthfully, neither do I.

I can choose to sift through the circumstances I’ve been dealt and choose my response, as we all know and as we all try to teach our children to do (but ultimately fail spectacularly at ourselves behind the scenes.)

Or I can observe it. Let it roll into the train station of my mind and roll out.

I know that this sounds like I’m simplifying complex subjects like dealing with a complex illness but I’ve come to understand that by adding layer upon layer upon layer of meaning to this situation and any difficulties I’ve previously had to process, I have now made it so ridiculously heavy that it is impossible to climb out from under it.

In addition to that, simplifying allows me to take my raw emotions and process them naturally. One difficult situation and feeling at a time.

When I peel all of the arbitrary meaning off of them, I now do not have to sift through all of “I should have done this” “Why me” “Look at everyone else who’s healthy and doing the things I can’t and probably living longer than me” and “horrible” “sucks” and “why do I have this and on top of it why did my dad die and why did my house flood and why are my family members suffering from mental health difficulties and where are the resources and why did all of this happen all in the same year”

DO YOU SEE HOW HEAVY THAT IS.

Dear God, I can feel what I used to feel from those sentences just looking at them.

Separate the yolk from the egg whites and take as much time as you have to in order to do it. Shell to shell to shell to shell to shell.

Because each thing is its own thing.

If I add the layers of meaning and questions onto all of them, (and when I did) I would be literally be flattened. And paralyzed. Completely immobilized. TBH I may or may not even have time for that. So actually it’s a time saver. Not really because it took a lot of time for me to get here. So nevermind. You know what I mean.

Ironically this is the longest way of sharing with you how shifting into simple observer mode and extracting myself from all the layers I have added onto each thing over the years has helped me try to dig my way out and no longer just “survive,” but actually live. Make plans. Find solutions.

Breathe.

I wish it were that easy of course. There are actually other, even thicker layers involved called “don’t take on other peoples’ problems, reactions, and emotions” but that’s a whole ‘nother thing. And then there’s the layer called “stuff the tears down until you explode them out of you,” which I 10/10 DO NOT RECOMMEND. Also another post.

I’m writing those here because they, too, are important to address and I’ve worked really hard at both of them. I will share them next, I’ve already written one of them. I’m on a roll, baby.

I am now ending this post unemotionally. – Simple observer